i was born a porn star she said
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In other news, I just burned my penis
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
