tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
