Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
