Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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