No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
