i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
