everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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