I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
