Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
