Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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