Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
