Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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