I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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