My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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