Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
