my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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