Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
