I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
