I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
