that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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