this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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