i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
