We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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