you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
