Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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