Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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