Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
