may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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