I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
