I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love you. Go after that dick
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
