Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
