i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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