Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
