I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
