I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
