i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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