If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
