Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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