I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
