Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
