I wish I could teleport
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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