i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are the jesus of drinking
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