My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
dude. I can hear the air.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
