Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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