Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
