We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Who put my cat in the fridge?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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