i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
