So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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