They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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