My friends, they love my intelligence
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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