now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
