Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
