Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
