I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
