it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
