I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think people are normalizing furries
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
