I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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