i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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